We live in a quiet village in Wiltshire. A few doors away from our house - on a road where the houses range in value from about £200,000 to £300,000 - so not hugely expensive given property price in general - we have a row of houses owned by a housing association and let to housing association tenants.
Sorry, but I'm going to start by going all serious on you.
It occurred to me today that our very language permits a whole bunch of nonsense around children. We talk of "our children", "my daughter" and "their kids". We assume an ownership of the children we have mothered or fathered and I believe that's a very wrong and dangerous presumption.
At its very worst is the apparent aching desire of the IVF couple who believe it is their right to have children - to own them. None of us, surely, have the right to bring children into this world. It's a part of a natural process, the survival of the species but which one of us can claim an absolute right to create new life?
On another level, it brings out the disgusting farce of custody battles. Not one of the custody battles currently making their way through our legal system have at its heart the actual welfare of the child - parents will protest they are doing it in the best interests of "their" children but what is really at stake is the ownership - the possession, the controlling interest. An entirely selfish desire to be the dictator and define the process and future of something which is perceived to be owned.
I speak as the father of a one-year old daughter who I absolutely know would bring me to the brink of madness should a custody battle ensue. I detest that, though, as it's only societal constructs around me that have brought me to that level. At a basic human level, all I should need for her is for her to be safe and happy. And that shouldn't necessarily be with me.
Over the past 15 months I've struggled one way and another with my emotions over the arrival of this new person into my life. People said I should feel overwhelming love from the moment I set eyes on her; I did not. You know, I will explain that on here and soon, but there is a truly annoying lie peddled to prospective and new parents that this will be the case; and many feel guilty and disappointed that they don't 'fit in' and keep those feelings to themselves, not even allowing their partner to share the burden. I do love her enormously - but that has not always been the case and I need the honest truth to be told.
It's also the most soul destroying process I've been through. I've never felt so low but required to be so high. And yes, it's selfish stuff - the sleep deprivation, the struggling with the enormous expectations put upon us as parents in the early 21st century. Yes, I'm whinging about something I have no right to whinge about - I am blessed to have this opportunity. But it is worth being honest so those that are sitting there feeling guilty about feeling this way; those that are in the first months of pregnancy who are struggling with their emotions; and those that are contemplating parenthood but are blinded by the gushy nonsense of the earth-mother/father brigade - we can all get some perspective, I hope.
And I hope to put my point across in a measured way. I hope you may find it useful or at least will give you food for thought in some way.
on Misunderstanding those less fortunate